5 Years

5 Years ago with the advice from a friend of mine I came to fuel for the first time. I still remember that day. It was the first day of fuel not being in the baptist building. We got kicked out because of hurricane Katrina, and they were using rooms for people who needed housing. That day we met there, then took the kids to the park to do fuel on location there. I remember being nervous. I met a few kids, but they seemed standoffish and I didn't think I was going to fit it. I didn't know what I was doing. Then I met Melanie. She just talked and talked and I just got to know her. After that, I felt comfortable. I started meeting people, and getting to know them and it was great. 5 Years later, here I am. It's different now. I've grown, changed. Fuel has too. I serve at Alive now too. The girls I met that first time, are now some of the girls in my life group. 5 years. I can tell you I didn't think I would be a leader 5 years later, but here I am. wow. Sometimes I have to just sit back and think of all that God has done. In 5 years... look at what happened. wow

Passion

Hello friends,

Well I have not written here for a while. I am back from Colombia. It was a great trip. It had it's ups and downs, but I think anything would. My favorite thing we did over there was purity seminars. We got to speak on why women should wait to have sex until they are married, and broke the silence that was keeping them chained to their sin. By us speaking, they could speak out. Read more on this HERE But I really did enjoy the trip. One of the biggest things God showed me, was how much my heart is in Africa. I've never been there, but I feel so connected there already. Every day I think about going and serving, holding babies, speaking hope to the broken, loving. It's crazy to think about, but I have never been this set on going anywhere. God has called me so many places before, but I have never had them this embedded in my heart before.

I can tell you that a year and half ago I never would have thought I would be going. I remember in DLA they would ask people who wanted to do long term missions to come up and get prayed for. I would never go because I wanted to stay here. I didn't want to do missions. I thought it's cool to go places for like a week or two, but nothing longer. Now as this time is drawing closer to my trip (it's a year away but I know it will go by so fast) I feel that I could be okay with staying. If God told me to stay there, I feel now I would be okay with that. Wow what a heart change from a year ago. I am so excited and so ready.

But I'm not ready. I do not know which organization, or who I am going with. But besides that, I am ready. I am getting information right now from several people and organizations, and my goal is to know by the end of the month. I think the trip will cost between 3,500-5,000. But I am not sure. Money does not scare me, because I know God will provide.

Although this passion has been awakened in my heart, my heart has still been heavy lately. I've been hurt by some people who were close to me this week, and disappointed in others. It's hard to not have expectations of people. I am trying to let go, but I still feel very hurt.

On a brighter note, I got an espresso machine for $5 today. I am so excited to make my own coffee drinks.

Those are my random thoughts...

Okay Friends I'm Off.... please check it out at http://christtocolombia.blogspot.com THANKS :)

A month in review?

Well it's been awhile since I updated this. I've been wrestling with a lot of stuff lately, so I didn't really want to post anything, which is kinda opposite of the point of this, but whatever. But here are a bunch of things that have happened past and present and future! haha

~At the end of may we had the Cedar point trip! It was so much fun! There was a little bit of drama, but we work with High-schoolers, so what do you expect! haha. Other than that it was a good trip, I was sun burned, but it was good.

~The Fuel explosion tour ended. I love the fuel explosion tour, but it is so much work. Last time I was in it, I was just leading my team, I wasn't helping run fuel too. I realized doing both is almost impossible. This is probably my last year leading a team for the explosion tour, if I am still helping to direct fuel. BUT my team did win :) for the 4th time haha. AND I did not cheat!

~ Kings Island was Monday/Tuesday! It was crazy! Fuel kids are crazy, but I love them. We didn't have as many girl leaders as I would have liked, which meant I was the oldest female leader. Thats okay.. BUT it just means that I had a lot more fixin' to do! Making sure everyone had everything, fixing drama and issues. It was good, but still I had a lot to do! I loved it though so much. And again I got burnt! (Don't worry I'm getting new sunscreen!)

~I got back from Kings Island, and I got terribly sick for a few days. Now I am finally feeling better and I have to get ready for CORNERSTONE!

~I leave for Cornerstone Wednesday! I love cornerstone! I am going to be working with the Povlich's! I love them, and so I am looking forward to spending a few days with them and at cornerstone.

~Colombia is coming up really fast too, after cornerstone, I'll be home for a week and a half and I leave for Colombia! I know I am crazy! But I love it!

~Also, I get to speak at fuel on the 5th. I am excited:)

Well there's so much going on but that a little glimpse into my life :)

I've had a lot of thoughts lately, but truthfully I haven't wanted to write them out. Mostly thoughts and dealings with disappointment, in myself and others. I think I put people on this pedestal, thinking they are going to do something they are not. I always put more faith in people then what I should. Then when the outcome does not produce anything, I am usually left disappointed and hurt. I'm being vague for a reason, because it's kinda vague on how and when I feel it.

I hate seeing someone I looked up to so much, fall and struggle. I think I thought they were infallible but in reality, we all fall. But it still hurts seeing that.

I feel a little lost lately, but I don't think that it's horribly wrong. I'm not lost, lost. I am always found by Him. But in life I feel a little lost. So here I am waiting on Him.

I don't understand how people can walk away. Like I have gone through so many hard times, good times, times when I am far and times when I am close, but I WILL NEVER walk away from Him.

this is kind of random, but take it or leave it. BTW this is my blog so yeah :)

week in review

So I'm stealing this kinds from Margie (the best ideas are stolen :))

Fuel explosion tour started Monday, I don't know how I am going to handle this.

I am tired.

I think I need a new job, but I don't want to leave my job.

I want to go away somewhere.

I've been hanging out with Chantel a lot, and I happy about that, because we've been friends so long, she actually gets me.

I got to see Levi and Judah a lot last week! I love those boys, well I love that family! Adam and Katie are awesome!

I think this might be my last year being on a team for the explosion tour.

The lock-in is coming up so fast... I don't think I'm ready

I e-mailed the organization that I want to go to Africa with, I am hopeful they will allow me to go for three months.

Colombia is coming fast.. luckily I only need like $240ish.

I love Alyssa.. shes one of my fuel girls, and she made me a cute card on Monday for no reason, except to say that she loved me. I don't even do anything for her to love me.

I think I am failing at more than I should be.

I'm sick of meetings.

Restless.

There's a restlessness in my soul right now.

I can't stand still, but I don't know where to go.

I ask for directions, but still none come.

Not yet.

I want to move, go, explore, seek, serve, love.

Not yet.

Why is this stirring in my heart?

Where am I supposed to go?


Not yet.

I just can't stand still.

Not yet.

But I can't leave.

Not yet.