Thursday, November 25, 2010


It's been hard for me to be thankful lately. I've been kinda discouraged lately, with a bunch of things. But I know that I need to be thankful during every situation. So here is what I am thankful for:

I am thankful for Jesus, who gives me life, and hope and purpose.
I am thankful for my parents, who might not show it all the time, but they love me a lot.
I am thankful that I have a house (not my own but I live rent free), a car, a laptop, a cell phone, food, clothes, a bed, water and other random things I "need" and a cute puppy who I love.
I am thankful that a I some good friends, ones who are there for me, and who help lift me up.
I am thankful I have people who I can look up to, that pour into me and help me to grow
I am thankful that I have girl in alive that I am blessed to have known and loved, some for 5 years, some for 5 months, but they are all beautiful and they are all growing into women who love Jesus with everything!
I am thankful that I get to serve in alive and fuel
I am thankful that I have had opportunities to go places other have never been able to go.
I am thankful that I have money so I can go see a friend this weekend.
I am thankful for people who believe in me, when I don't even believe in myself

I am thankful.

Today I was just thinking about the life that I live now, and how I know my life wont look like this forever. I was thinking of the cost I will pay to follow the call God has on my life. I was thinking about how difficult, yet rewarding it will be, and I was thinking about how easy it could be to not do it. It would be the worst but easy decision I would ever make. But I know its not even an option to take the easy route. It is scary and difficult, and lonely. Alot has been on my mind lately, sorry if this makes no sense, ask me in person.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Adoption T-shirt giveaway!

Hey friends,
I stumbled upon this family and they are selling shirts to help with their adoption, really sweet shirts! please give them a look!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


AHHH I finally got a reply. I could bounce off all the walls I am so excited. You see for the last 2 months I have been e-mailing and contacting different organizations I can go with to Uganda next year. And I have heard nothing until today. I finally got a reply. Today I was feeling so discouraged about it, and I was doubting I was supposed to go, but God is so faithful to His promises! I think this organization is going to fit well too. I am just so excited! wooohooooo :) Can you please keep praying I want this to be God's will! THANKS!

Monday, August 16, 2010

5 Years

5 Years ago with the advice from a friend of mine I came to fuel for the first time. I still remember that day. It was the first day of fuel not being in the baptist building. We got kicked out because of hurricane Katrina, and they were using rooms for people who needed housing. That day we met there, then took the kids to the park to do fuel on location there. I remember being nervous. I met a few kids, but they seemed standoffish and I didn't think I was going to fit it. I didn't know what I was doing. Then I met Melanie. She just talked and talked and I just got to know her. After that, I felt comfortable. I started meeting people, and getting to know them and it was great. 5 Years later, here I am. It's different now. I've grown, changed. Fuel has too. I serve at Alive now too. The girls I met that first time, are now some of the girls in my life group. 5 years. I can tell you I didn't think I would be a leader 5 years later, but here I am. wow. Sometimes I have to just sit back and think of all that God has done. In 5 years... look at what happened. wow

Saturday, August 7, 2010


Hello friends,

Well I have not written here for a while. I am back from Colombia. It was a great trip. It had it's ups and downs, but I think anything would. My favorite thing we did over there was purity seminars. We got to speak on why women should wait to have sex until they are married, and broke the silence that was keeping them chained to their sin. By us speaking, they could speak out. Read more on this HERE But I really did enjoy the trip. One of the biggest things God showed me, was how much my heart is in Africa. I've never been there, but I feel so connected there already. Every day I think about going and serving, holding babies, speaking hope to the broken, loving. It's crazy to think about, but I have never been this set on going anywhere. God has called me so many places before, but I have never had them this embedded in my heart before.

I can tell you that a year and half ago I never would have thought I would be going. I remember in DLA they would ask people who wanted to do long term missions to come up and get prayed for. I would never go because I wanted to stay here. I didn't want to do missions. I thought it's cool to go places for like a week or two, but nothing longer. Now as this time is drawing closer to my trip (it's a year away but I know it will go by so fast) I feel that I could be okay with staying. If God told me to stay there, I feel now I would be okay with that. Wow what a heart change from a year ago. I am so excited and so ready.

But I'm not ready. I do not know which organization, or who I am going with. But besides that, I am ready. I am getting information right now from several people and organizations, and my goal is to know by the end of the month. I think the trip will cost between 3,500-5,000. But I am not sure. Money does not scare me, because I know God will provide.

Although this passion has been awakened in my heart, my heart has still been heavy lately. I've been hurt by some people who were close to me this week, and disappointed in others. It's hard to not have expectations of people. I am trying to let go, but I still feel very hurt.

On a brighter note, I got an espresso machine for $5 today. I am so excited to make my own coffee drinks.

Those are my random thoughts...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Okay Friends I'm Off.... please check it out at THANKS :)

Sunday, June 27, 2010

A month in review?

Well it's been awhile since I updated this. I've been wrestling with a lot of stuff lately, so I didn't really want to post anything, which is kinda opposite of the point of this, but whatever. But here are a bunch of things that have happened past and present and future! haha

~At the end of may we had the Cedar point trip! It was so much fun! There was a little bit of drama, but we work with High-schoolers, so what do you expect! haha. Other than that it was a good trip, I was sun burned, but it was good.

~The Fuel explosion tour ended. I love the fuel explosion tour, but it is so much work. Last time I was in it, I was just leading my team, I wasn't helping run fuel too. I realized doing both is almost impossible. This is probably my last year leading a team for the explosion tour, if I am still helping to direct fuel. BUT my team did win :) for the 4th time haha. AND I did not cheat!

~ Kings Island was Monday/Tuesday! It was crazy! Fuel kids are crazy, but I love them. We didn't have as many girl leaders as I would have liked, which meant I was the oldest female leader. Thats okay.. BUT it just means that I had a lot more fixin' to do! Making sure everyone had everything, fixing drama and issues. It was good, but still I had a lot to do! I loved it though so much. And again I got burnt! (Don't worry I'm getting new sunscreen!)

~I got back from Kings Island, and I got terribly sick for a few days. Now I am finally feeling better and I have to get ready for CORNERSTONE!

~I leave for Cornerstone Wednesday! I love cornerstone! I am going to be working with the Povlich's! I love them, and so I am looking forward to spending a few days with them and at cornerstone.

~Colombia is coming up really fast too, after cornerstone, I'll be home for a week and a half and I leave for Colombia! I know I am crazy! But I love it!

~Also, I get to speak at fuel on the 5th. I am excited:)

Well there's so much going on but that a little glimpse into my life :)

Friday, May 28, 2010

I've had a lot of thoughts lately, but truthfully I haven't wanted to write them out. Mostly thoughts and dealings with disappointment, in myself and others. I think I put people on this pedestal, thinking they are going to do something they are not. I always put more faith in people then what I should. Then when the outcome does not produce anything, I am usually left disappointed and hurt. I'm being vague for a reason, because it's kinda vague on how and when I feel it.

I hate seeing someone I looked up to so much, fall and struggle. I think I thought they were infallible but in reality, we all fall. But it still hurts seeing that.

I feel a little lost lately, but I don't think that it's horribly wrong. I'm not lost, lost. I am always found by Him. But in life I feel a little lost. So here I am waiting on Him.

I don't understand how people can walk away. Like I have gone through so many hard times, good times, times when I am far and times when I am close, but I WILL NEVER walk away from Him.

this is kind of random, but take it or leave it. BTW this is my blog so yeah :)

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

week in review

So I'm stealing this kinds from Margie (the best ideas are stolen :))

Fuel explosion tour started Monday, I don't know how I am going to handle this.

I am tired.

I think I need a new job, but I don't want to leave my job.

I want to go away somewhere.

I've been hanging out with Chantel a lot, and I happy about that, because we've been friends so long, she actually gets me.

I got to see Levi and Judah a lot last week! I love those boys, well I love that family! Adam and Katie are awesome!

I think this might be my last year being on a team for the explosion tour.

The lock-in is coming up so fast... I don't think I'm ready

I e-mailed the organization that I want to go to Africa with, I am hopeful they will allow me to go for three months.

Colombia is coming fast.. luckily I only need like $240ish.

I love Alyssa.. shes one of my fuel girls, and she made me a cute card on Monday for no reason, except to say that she loved me. I don't even do anything for her to love me.

I think I am failing at more than I should be.

I'm sick of meetings.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


There's a restlessness in my soul right now.

I can't stand still, but I don't know where to go.

I ask for directions, but still none come.

Not yet.

I want to move, go, explore, seek, serve, love.

Not yet.

Why is this stirring in my heart?

Where am I supposed to go?

Not yet.

I just can't stand still.

Not yet.

But I can't leave.

Not yet.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


I am a horrible person at remembering. The other day I was reading a friend of mines blog And I was encouraged to write a blog about things I want to remember. So here it is. I encourage you (the 2 of you that read my blog haha) to do the same. :)

These are the most memorable moments of my life so far:

1. I got baptized in the Gibsons pool in front of my metro family
2. My first day as a fuel leader
3. I was in many JROTC competitions in HS and I won many awards for it
4. I went to Thailand
5. While in Thailand I visited a temple made completely out of bottles
6. I went to Cornerstone festival and caught rides all week on golf carts
7. I spent a week at the alive festival and got completely covered in mud each day :)
8. I spent a summer of my life with 3 amazing people, we listened to the same 3 cds all summer...
9. I got bit by a Millipede while painting a wall the second time in Thailand
10. Ive been on trips to cedar point, kings island, camping trip and canoeing trips.
11. My first REAL LIFE Retreat
12. I left my home and went to colorado for 8 months
13. the first time I saw the mountains
14. I climbed a mountain.. or 3 Including Pikes Peak! (14,000 ft)
15. I conquered the incline
16. I dug a hole for a latrine in Honduras
17. I climbed the great sand dunes
18. I went on tour with the desperation band and prayed with random people
19. I helped put on the desperation conference, where a year before my life was changed by it... then I got to see many lives changed again :)
20. Ive been white water rafting
21. Ive repelled on the side of a mountian
22. Got the honor of baptizing several girls
23. watched hundreds of people give their lives to Christ ever week!

My life is full.. my life is exciting... my life is so much more!

I could go on and on and on. God is good, God is great

Saturday, April 3, 2010


I've had a lot of thoughts lately. Yesterday was the good friday service. It was so awesome. For the first time I got to be in it. I was actually REALLY nervous, but it turned out great:) But anyways, I've been thinking a lot about grace, because the good friday service was about grace. It's crazy how much we screw up in our lives, and how God gives us grace. Grace upon grace upon grace. I have seen the grace of God transform many lives lately. I have seen people who were far from Him come closer, and others who were growing close, make choices for Him that were tough.. Oh the grace we get. Us sinners, dirty, messed up, broken sinners... I am so thankful for grace in my life. the grace that changed me, but since then has been taking me on a crazy journey. Living life for Him is wayyyyyy more exciting then living life without Him. It's not about rules, its about a relationship that will take you to the ends of the earth and back, or maybe just to the end of your rope... then you can take hold of His.

His GRACE has brought me safe this far and His GRACE will lead me home

John 1:16 (English Standard Version)

And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


So I had dinner with a friend tonight. We've been friends for probably 3 or 4 years. I met her when she started working at petsmart. She is not a Christian, she says she is Catholic, but she usually just likes to go to church. But that's not really an issue. She is my friend and I love her no matter what. But talking to her tonight made me realize how different my life is to the rest of the world. Jesus said to be in the world, but not of the world. I often think that I am both, because I am human and I fall short of God's glory. But then nights like tonight I realize how much I am not of the world. We had differing views on dating, sex, marriage. And I am not condemning her for any way she lives. She is my friend, I don't need to judge her I just need to love her. It was just so interesting to be reminded of what the cost that is to bear His name. My life is different. I don't drink, I don't have sex, I don't smoke, I don't listen to bad music, or watch bad movies. Hear me on this I'm not trying to say look at me I'm the good Christian, because I know I am the biggest sinner in the world. But I say this because my life is different. Jesus says to live different. But are we living differently or the same as everyone else?

Friday, March 5, 2010

Counting the cost

So Wednesday at life groups I talked about Counting the cost of following Jesus. And how it will cost us A LOT to follow Him. I was inspired by (yet again) Katie Davis click here to read the blog post that inspired me. I am so inspired and excited to move into action when I read her blogs! But the reason I am writing this is, am I ready to count the cost. Jesus requires EVERYTHING of us, and for awhile, I think I have only been giving Him part. Part of my time, Part of my money, Part affections, Part of my heart, Part of my emotions, Part of me. I cannot only give Him part of me. JESUS WANTS ALL OF ME. But truthfully, my comfort gets the best of me. I want to give Him all, but I want my comfort. But I no longer want that. I want to have all of Him. I don't care about myself, I want Him. Oh the battle in my head and my heart. It's like that verse that says I don't do what I should do, but I do what I shouldn't... or something along that lines. But God gives me grace every minute. So I will use it! Well, I hope this inspires you to count the cost of following Jesus... He said DENY yourself and pick up your cross... refuse your desires and get ready to die... I am ready to die to myself for Him...

Friday, February 26, 2010

Just kidding.. hear me out

Well in the last post I wrote about how I was not going to go to Colombia, and how I felt like I was supposed to go to Uganda instead. I still want to go to Uganda, but now God has changed things and I am able to go to Colombia too. God is really funny, because I totally was sure He didn't want me to go, but I still said, well if it's your will then you'll make it happen. And He did. I'm not going to get into all the details, but I can tell you He changed a lot so I would be able to go. So now I'm going to Colombia, and I'll go to Uganda/Kenya/Rwanda in august 2011:)

Monday, February 8, 2010

Columbia... I mean Uganda

A few months ago, we found out that Alive/Metro is going to Columbia this summer. They went last year and it was great, God changed many peoples lives down there. Well for awhile now, I've been thinking and praying about going to Columbia. In my head I really wanted to go. I wanna go be a part of what Alive and Metro will be doing their this summer. I love mission trips, I love going to other countries and helping them and serving. I also really love seeing students getting their lives changed on mission trips and this year several of my girls are going. So why wouldn't I go... So I talked to my parents, who were not supportive of the idea, because of my brothers and my sisters wedding this year. So I was like okay, I'm not going. But then again I was like maybe I could. So I thought and planned and wanted to again. But I just know in my heart (not my head) I'm not supposed to go. A few months ago, I heard about this girl named Katie Davis... read about her here She is an amazing young woman who abandoned a normal life, for what God had called her to do. She is 21 and has adopted 14 children from Uganda. She and her children live there, and she feeds over 300 other children each day. I think that is so amazing. Ever since I've heard about her I have been just captivated by her story. I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about her and what she is doing in Uganda! So I've just been hearing God whisper.. go. Very softly and gently. Go. So I e-mailed the organization, but they said they are equipped to take in anyone to do a short term mission trip. But the whisper hasn't stopped... go.. go. So now I am going to be looking into other ways to go, but I am hoping and praying to go to Africa in August of 2011. Which seems a long way off, but I need to get some other things in order here first. I am excited, because I know that seems far away but it isn't really. So I am excited for God to move. So please start praying for me, even though this journey is far away, pray that I would be lead to the right person/ organization to go with.

His servant,


Tuesday, February 2, 2010


The last week has been crazy! I either worked or had something for ministry everyday from beginning to end. It was busy. But I love it. I have joy for my assignment. I love where God has put me. I love the kids, I love the other leaders I love everything about it... even the crazy weeks. On Friday we left for the winter retreat. It was an awesome weekend. God showed up big time for my girls. I am telling you that I got to see one of my girls grow so much in just 3 days. She is learning so much. I see God working in her, its a long journey, but I know she will make it. But its not always easy. Having a busy week, means that I am tired, drained, and short on joy. I love it, but I am usually exhausted. So today, I rested. I am just resting. I took a nap and just chilled. I am just trying to relax, rest in Him. I know His joy is my strength. I am often reminded why I do youth ministry. It seems like when I am most tired, emptied, hurt and down.. God reminds me. Man what a awesome God I serve. I am greatful

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

So I've had a lot of thoughts lately in my mind, but I haven't been able to get my thoughts down. But I think I am able to now, so here's a few things that have been on my mind lately.

First, last week I got to go to this women's retreat thing. It was awesome. Getting this opportunity to go, was amazing. During that I really felt grace. Like I didn't deserve this awesome opportunity, but I was given it anyways. I didn't do anything special, but I still got it. I think just the chance to go, helped to realize the Grace God has for me all the time. I don't deserve His grace but He gives it to me. Everyday I mess up, but He still gives me grace.

2. It's going to be hard.

During the retreat I got to talk to one of the best jr high women youth pastor. She is full of so much knowledge. (her last jr. high youth group had 500 kids in it!) Well I got to sit down and talk to her, and I asked: "What's the hardest thing about being a woman youth pastor?" Her reply: "Being a woman youth pastor." Wow what a wake up call. She basically said you need to be sure you are called to this, because if your not willing to endure,less of everything.. Money, respect..ect.. then you shouldn't do it. It was a wake up to me because I knew it was going to be hard, but I thing for the first time I really realized how hard. This was going to be a fight. But I know what God is calling me to, so I will endure it.

3. Get a routine!
I need a routine in my life. If I don't have one then I am not able to effectively complete the tasks I have. I need to get into gear, wake up, go to the gym, have quiet time, go to work, get things done I need to get done, and go to bed. I think sometimes we think routines or rituals are bad, but the more you do something the less you think about doing it, and the more you just do it. I need to have more stability in my life.

4. Dream Big

After I got back from the womens retreat, a day and a half later, I went on the Alive winter retreat. (No time for rest! haha) The Alive winter retreat was all about dreaming Big, listening to God's dreams for your life, and going after them. It was awesome. I had some time to think about what God's dreams for me, and what He wants me to do. I don't think I have it all figured out but I know somethings.
a. Be a youth pastor
b. Get married and have a family (I want 10 kids.. 5 adopted)
c. Sometime I want to spend a while in Africa.. I'm not sure how long or when
d. Love big
Those are some of the things I know I have in my heart. And I know I want to go do them!
5. Just give a rip about them!

At the womens retreat Jeanne was talking about students today, and how they are so jacked up and no one cares about them, so if you just give a rip about them, then you can make a difference in their lives. I saw this on Monday. One of my girls was really upset after fuel so I talk to her. She confessed that she hasn't been living for God lately, and my talk really convicted her. I just sat there speaking grace over her. (what a privileged!) I continually told her I loved her and I didn't look down on her and that grace covered her. I gave a rip about her. I love her and the rest of "my girls". I hope they know that. I love them all so much, I tell them all the time, so I hope they know. I want them one day to look back and know that I cared about them, because God cares about them.

I know there are so many things, but that's all I can think about right now. So I leave you with those thoughts...

Romans 8:37-39
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.